hoopy henry and the bucketful o' rahs

so yesterday, i woke up and went to hospital, had some xrays of my face, and found out i have a stone in my salivary gland. they refer me to guy's hospital, where they will put me to sleep and fuck up my face with knives etc. i hope when they are finished, i look like hellraiser.

later on, i get on a train to london to see sean and gem, which is delicious. we drank jack daniel's from plastic mugs. we then moved drinking to a lloyd's, which isn't owned by lloyd, but instead it is owned by wetherspoon's. wetherspoon's is literally my favourite, i think i should try and get a wetherspoon's endorsement. there are a load of people in lloyd's, including john ramos. i don't really know john, but i do know that i want him to be mad drunk. i want everyone to be mad drunk. because i am mad drunk.

new noise was a short-lived interesting love affair of which i remember little. i do remember pulling my own pints at the downstairs bar though. i met niki, who wants to fight me to the death, and verbally threatens to kill sean. despite this, niki seems to be sane and fun. after new noise, i whinge all the way back to sean's and talk a lot of bollocks. sean likens me to karl pilkington, which i feel is a little unfair. i write "I WIN!" on sean's whiteboard, again. i don't know why i do this, but i consider it to be highly amusing and it irritates and confuses sean's mum.

today was interesting, i felt really hungover for about ten minutes and then absolutely fine. good times. we ate toast and walked gem to victoria for her bus back to leeds, and me and sean bought station food and looked in the station bookshop for station books. bookshops tease me. they tell me a book is in stock but it is never on the shelf. having worked in a bookshop, i know this phenomena. the books are lost. i hate losing things, you know when you have something and it disappears and you literally know 100% where it last was but it's not there, as if the world has just swallowed it. all things that disappear go to the dark world in zelda where the bunnies shoot you with arrows, and everything is a strange tint of yellowy brown unlike the fresh and bright colours of hyrule. i was thinking, when a pixelated video game character grows, does it add pixels, or does it just enlarge the pixels it already has? do fully grown video game characters look slightly out of focus?

on the train back some idiot family of rahs came into the carriage i was in and requested that i moved so as that rupert could sit next to henry. no? no. nonono. rupert then sat down, much to henry's disgust. henry resigned himself to sitting on the floor next to the door, almost as if he expected me to take pity on him. no, henry. no. i observed henry with intrigue and disgust, and he began smelling the sleeves and collar of his coat. this was an incredible breakthrough. why the fuck are you sniffing your coatsleeves? i thought. i began to wonder what it was that made him smell his coat, and what magic he had used to make it smell so. was it spaghetti hoops? probably not, why the fuck would your coat smell of spaghetti hoops? unless you filled it with spaghetti hoops... that was it. before i had time to confront hoopy henry i was at st albans, and had to get off the train.

bad times.

goodbye 2007, hello two thousand and rad

so yeh, i haven't written in ages, i've been sleeping and shit. mad times. anyway, it's a new year, which means i will continue to do exactly what i have been doing before whether i like it or not, because i know no other way. there's a depressing thought. i have had a rad christmas holiday though, seeing some lovely people, meeting some lovely people, avoiding some not so lovely people, and getting a salivary gland stone.

i got a job at waterstone's, which was probably the best and most fun job i'll have in a long time. i met some totally delicious people, made friends with them, crashed on their sofas, got really drunk and fell off my chair in front of them and made some good memories, only to say goodbye to them all within a couple of weeks. but that's life. i think i heard some of the best quotes of my life there, off the top of my head:

"My daughter is 23, but she really likes spaghetti!"

"I'm looking for a book, I can't remember the title or the author, but it's green and about this big"

"Not planning on dying anytime soon I see"

"Why don't they make 'Charlie goes to rehab after getting messed up on E numbers and sexually assaulting and killing lola'?"


i spent a disturbing amount of time with luke. it was the worst. among other incidents, he tried to push me into the yorkshire bbc building in a morrison's trolley, wrote "i've got maddy" on my arm in permanent marker (i haven't), told my dad i put coke up my bum, made me listen to christina aguilera's christmas album and then we threw orange segments at dangerous drivers.

christmas was cool, i spent christmas eve with kaylie ice skating it up in hyde park like lovers do, and watching beowulf in 3d at the imax, like lovers do. kaylie is rad. christmas day was also rad, i received many most delightful gifts, the highlights being a rad new guitar and a rad smoothie maker so that i don't have to chew my food anymore. rad.

then new years, which was also rad. me and tommy jumped on a train and got ultra live at sam isaac's house, where we watched high school musical and played singstar. i beat sam isaac at singstar, which literally makes me better at singing than a popstar. suck that isaac. then new years' day was a mess, i was hungover as hell trying to get back to st albans for my sister's birthday unaware that west ham and west hampstead aren't actually the same place. hello jubilee line. hello the whole of london. in case you were worried, i got back in time.

that's it from me. i'll update this thing more when i'm back in leeds, doing maths and shit. i have two new flatmates, i hope they're rad.

night x

this is a fire door...

so it's half past four and i'm awake and on the internet but for some reason sean isn't. this is somewhat depressing. for other insomnia based rambling visit his blog i am up late. but to be fair he actually isn't. if i had a guitar up in leeds, i wouldn't be doing this. i would be doing productive and interesting things like songwriting. but no. today i unlocked another level on mel's tony hawk's pro skater 4 game for the ps2. i also made the wise decision of spending a quarter of this weeks budget on beer, and another quarter on a ticket to the weakerthans. unfortunately my financial week begins tomorrow, so to stop myself spending money, i have been sleeping through trading hours.

tomorrow i will be getting on a bus or a train to go and surprise luke leighfield in bradford, where i have never been. it sounds exciting, like some kind of new action thriller. if i was in an action thriller, i would be mega tough, but mega sensitive, and i would be an awesome cook, and i wouldn't eat princes tinned ham. which is disgusting.

i feel it is definitely time to go home now. i am becoming tired and hungry and i need to play some shows.

on a posi note, this weekend i will be seeing luke leighfield, the weakerthans, rise against, gallolz, and more importantly john conyers.

laters.

you are a lamby tramp

as me and ben sat there in the big boat with cheap beer we decided that actually being bored is pretty chillax. then i went to the cockpit and spent my weeks budget on pop punk. louise turned nasty after a couple of pieces of takeaway lamb saying "fuck you i don't want to be a power ranger anymore". today i had two cheese and onion slices and two pints of milk. we watched dead man's shoes and then i played wii and totally rocked the bowling, though was a little disappointed to find i have the fitness age of a 62 year old. i don't think that's quite fair. i'm getting fairly close to a noise complaint as well, let's hope i can hold out until christmas.

on a musical note, guffaw, i can't stop listening to hot club de paris or say anything. i haven't played my bass in about 2 weeks, and i'm getting withdrawal. there is a depressing amount of blink 182 passing through my speakers.

this blog is really as much for me as it is anyone else, it will serve as a page full of self-indulgent ramblings and a reminder of what actually happens in my life, for the times when i forget.